


Why'd You Wanna Stay? (Have You Listened to Me Lately?)

by Veilrony (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Psychosis/Psychosis Implied, Panic Attacks, Reibert Secret Santa 2017, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 10:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13121793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Veilrony
Summary: Reibert Secret Santa 2017 | Bertolt doesn't know how to cope if Reiner isn't Reiner.





	Why'd You Wanna Stay? (Have You Listened to Me Lately?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aubergineinfatuation](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Aubergineinfatuation).



> We had a lot of fun with this prompt! We hope you enjoy it too, and happy holidays! :D

 

It had been so long since Bertolt had seen that glimmer in Reiner’s eyes.. He seemed himself again as he romped through frosty grass, holding Bertolt’s hand in his own.

Reiner had grown more and more distant as the last few months had gone by… over the last week or so it’d gotten to the point where Bertolt was afraid of talking to him again.

Which was why it was such a relief to be striding behind Reiner like the old days. It was more… natural. He felt safer when he knew that he could rely on Reiner. He missed that feeling.

Finally, Reiner skidded to a halt as soon as they reached the cliff overseeing the lake. He pulled Bertolt close, even though the both of them were far enough away from the cliff that he couldn’t have gone down it even if he leapt for it.

Bertolt hugged Reiner back, feeling such a familiar sense of security in the blonde’s arms. It’d been too long since he’d felt it, and he felt like he could cry right there.

“I…” he sighed, gripping the back of Reiner’s shirt and breathing down into his shoulder. “Thanks for taking me out here.”

“It’s only been a couple of days since the last time we’ve been out…” Reiner whispered back. “But either way, I love being with you.”

They hadn’t been alone like this for months…

“Me too,” was all Bertolt said instead. Their hug loosened until they were just holding hands, and Bertl stared down at Reiner’s face. The shimmering lake in their view couldn’t even hold a candle to his smile.

Reiner looked behind him, and led Bertl down to sit on a log with him. Their knees knocked together, and Bertl mumbled a quiet sorry. Reiner laughed at that, and his face turned bright red.

This was… just like before. He’d missed it so much, and he could feel all the worry dissipate like their foggy breath. “You haven’t been yourself lately,” Bertolt whispered quietly. “I’m glad I’m just worrying too much, though.”

To that, Reiner’s smile fell away.

Was he wrong…? Bertolt could see the gears rolling in Reiner’s head, so he just turned to the lake and waited for Reiner to say something. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that at all. Maybe Reiner wanted to take Bertolt out here just so he could say that he didn’t want him anymore. Maybe he wanted to be with Krista… he was just somebody to fool around with while they were younger.

But… their mission wouldn’t allow that, would it?

The thoughts started to creep in, and the thought of being alone started to tug at him until he felt his breaths get heavier.

The only thing stopping his own self-induced panic was the sound of Reiner starting to hum. He focused on the sound, and glanced at Reiner. He looked awkward. Bertolt felt the same, but was afraid of opening his mouth.

Reiner stopped humming and sighed. This was only getting worse. And it sounded like Reiner wanted to say something, and that familiar quickening of his heart set in. He sighed, then sighed again.

He was… just trying to get Bertolt’s attention, maybe? Bertolt looked at him again, noticing as Reiner made eye contact and smiled. Oh…

He _was_ just worrying too much again. That’s a relief.

Bertolt smiled and leaned into his shoulder. He sighed back at Reiner, glad that nothing was wrong. Nothing was going to be wrong…

Reiner stayed still. He wasn’t leaning back… in fact it felt like he was stiffening.

“It’s ok…” Bertolt said as reassuringly as he could, even if he didn’t really know. He put his hand on Reiner’s lap, leaning up and kissing the blond’s cheek. He heard Reiner’s breath hitch a little, but he just stiffened more.

Bertolt didn’t lean back down onto his shoulder, instead twisting towards Reiner and looking him in the face. “That… wasn’t too much, was it...?”

His mouth opened but no sound came out. A pit started to sink in Bertolt’s stomach…

This was all wrong, but neither of them wanted to say that. Reiner finally shook his head minutely before leaning into Bertolt, cupping his hands over Bertolt’s cheek, and kissing him on the lips. Bertolt fell into the kiss, but the pit was still forming and only getting larger. Reiner pulled away and Bertolt couldn’t help but smile. At least… at least he was still wanted.

Then Bertolt noticed the look on Reiner’s face. His mouth closed and his jaw set. His eyes were glassy, like he was about to cry. There was something wrong, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty about it.

“Reiner?” he asked. His foggy breath danced over the Reiner’s face, and the both of them pulled away. It was too similar to titan steam, and at this moment that fact was even more prevalent than ever.

“I’m ok,” Reiner whispered. He didn’t look it, but Bertolt wasn’t going to bother him over it.

He was just hoping this would be alone time between them, but time had shown that Bertolt didn’t always get what he wanted

Reiner shrugged Bertolt’s hand off of his leg, wrapping his own hands around them.

There was something wrong, and they’d gone out for a reason. He just needed to know. “It doesn’t feel like it,” Bertolt finally said. Reiner’s grip loosened then fell away. He could see the hairs on his arm raise, which nowadays was never a sign of cold. Something was very wrong. So Bertolt put a hand on Reiner’s shoulder. “It’s —”

“Don’t touch me,” Reiner snapped. He pulled away immediately and noticed that Reiner’s eyes were unfocused, staring past Bertolt.

His breathing quickened, and he stepped off the log in a panic.

“Reiner?” Bertolt asked quietly. He watched as Reiner stood paralyzed. He twisted towards Bertolt, then looked away, and his expression softened, but only a little. “Are you alright?”

There was a hesitant pause as Reiner stepped backwards, ready to spring at… something. Bertolt looked in the direction Reiner was, and saw nothing. “You didn’t see it?”

“No,” he replied. “Are you alright?”

There was sad laugh. “No, no, no, I’m…” Reiner trailed off, stepping back in panic again. He almost tripped over the log, and Bertolt sprang up to steady him.

“Get away!” Reiner shouted, this time shoving Bertolt away.

He hit the grass and skidded until he was on the rocky surface of the cliff.

“Reiner?” he asked, aware of how close to the edge he was.

“Leave me alone,” Reiner hissed.

“I— I’m here for you —”

“No you’re not. Just leave.”

“I…” He drew in a sigh, and at the stone-cold look on Reiner’s face, exhaled. “Okay.”

He shook as he got up and brushed pebbles out of his pants. Blood oozed from scrapes on his hands, and his pants were torn. Reiner didn’t trust him, or even want him around…and that stung worse than the injuries.

For the first time that year, snow started to fall, and Bertolt Hoover felt truly alone.


End file.
